This!!
Thank you. I’m a survivor of years of mental/emotional abuse and brainwashing, and still have to live in the house where it happened at 35. My Mother has since passed so a lot of the mental/emotional control has left, but when you’re basically a house elf with no rights or allowed to have wants/desires/life you have no way to escape or survive. You physically/mentally don’t even realize that is even an option because your not a person, you’re just what they need and shape you to be
During the last 3 years of her life I was giving her 24/7 nurse care even while I was pregnant because “I signed up for this” I guess by being born? When love is twisted and involved it makes breaking the programming even harder. I loved my Mother and still do but now am free enough to start to see she warped and melded my mind and life in ways I may never be able to fix
I got lucky that my husband stayed with me despite this, married me, and even lived in this house because I couldn’t leave and he knew why. It wasn’t as simple as just leaving, it was in my brain I couldn’t leave, leaving equaled the same as betraying and “killing” my Mother/family. I had to take care of her, my family, serve them or I was faced with unbearable mental anguish. I physically couldn’t leave or face a lifetime of guilt, pain, and even physical symptoms such as headaches, depression, and massive anxiety.
When I did try to leave, we briefly stayed on and off with my husbands mom, the hooks were still in me, and all is took was a few of the right words to have me right back in that house, giving my time/money/freedom away “willingly” because I didn’t know I didn’t have to. I did it because I “wanted” to because I didn’t know it was all part of the programming. To make me feel like these choices were my own when they were the product of years of control and dehumanization.
Because of all this I’m just now emotionally where we should have been at say 18 at 35 thanks to all the love and patients of my husband who has his own family demons to deal with. He taught me how to be a human, and how the real world really is, and how people should be treated and have consent.
I still have a hard time even fathoming the idea I can go outside, or make choices, spend money on myself, and just be a human. I suffer from PTSD and most of the times don’t even know what will trigger it since it was a lifetime of being used. Just “getting out” is movie/tv BS and the people who say that to you have never had to.
(via mens-rights-activia)
DomesticWinterSoldier 